I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
