She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
