He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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