birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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