Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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