i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
