I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
