This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
this is an emotional support booty call
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
