I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
