apparently the secret to your success is patron
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
