umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
