90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
