I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
