he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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