Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
