she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
