you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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