thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
