Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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