I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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