Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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