i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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