Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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