Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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