is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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