I cannot find my penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
