You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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