And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize