It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
