Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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