ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
