so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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