Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
