she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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