apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
