Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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