When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
