Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
