Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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