The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
