the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
