So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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