I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
