Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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