it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize