"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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