i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
