Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize