You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
