you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
