I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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