omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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