I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize