4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
