Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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