if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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