We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she looked like the before picture.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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