How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
