Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
