The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
