I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dick very happy bro
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
