i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
