the condom got lost in my hair
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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