Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
