Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize