we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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