he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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