Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
