...so i touched it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
