I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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