I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize