I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Someone signed my nipple.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
