i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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