i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
