Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
