Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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