Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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