Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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