I hope mine doesn't look like that
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
