Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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