Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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