Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
