Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize