Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
