Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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