her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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