Only a mothe r could love this liver
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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