i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
