Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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