shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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