I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
