Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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