If i come over, it means nothing
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize