Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
