We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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