Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
accomplished twins. life is a go
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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