what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
