Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
