I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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