a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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