Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
