We won't sleep together?
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
