I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
