I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
