So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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