Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
