I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
