I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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