Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize