ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
