Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
