woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
