Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
