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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize