That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
